Cactus in the Slammer!

News has rolled in just as we were relegating 2010 to the annals of failure. While Mr. E and Ernie were headed back to Daytona Beach to lick their wounds, I (Derrick) received a message from the victims. Indeed, we do have a legitimate, confirmed Cactus event in Pearland, TX, and indeed our tip from the security fellow was accurate. Some time before the morning of December 20th, Cacti Noel struck our victim's home with the hideous inflatable cactus. Originally thought to be a wandering yard ornament, the odious nature of the green and red horror became apparent when it was discovered to have been plugged into the victim's home (a sure sign of a cactus event). Our security guard tipster must have witnessed the cactus in the earliest hours of its presence, and the photo we received shows the cactus to be boldly standing tall, defying all good taste and sensibilities.

That was when disaster stuck. When both Ernie and Mr. E surveilled the event location, the cactus had disappeared. The disappearance was unusual, unprecedented, and theories were proposed. A systematic search was conducted but bore no fruit. The victims of this holiday infliction did not respond to the letter we had sent (until now).

I was not able to track their actions after Mr. E's last blog post, but suffice to say that spirits and hope deflated quickly as our two heroic field investigators resolved to quietly come back home. Gas money is low, and it would have been a risk to keep the Field Units in the field.

We had depressing visions of once again losing an opportunity - then NEWS CAME! Our victim family was jolted into action by some unknown affirmation of our organization's legitimacy, much to our elation. We have received news from the "S" Family (names withheld for privacy as per CCIB policy) that the Cactus was apprehended by the local Police Department and is in custody pending the arrival of its rightful owner. Much to our amazement, there is a Christmas Cactus under lock and key, a gift horse into whos mouth we can gaze, an opportunity on a silver platter... but I digress.

Our plan has been proposed to the "S" family, we shall withold details for the moment, for we are sure that the Cacti Noel, whoever he/she/they are, follows with piqued interest this blog. We do not wish to tip our hat, show our cards, or let the proverbial cat out of the bag as to our plans to finally capture an actual Christmas Cactus. This news is gargantuan! The Christmas Cactus hasn't been held in government police custody since the Green Bay Arrest of 1994.

They are currently (as I type) passing through Mississippi headed back to Texas to arrange a meeting with the victims. I will update you when I receive our next scheduled communication from the field.

With great anticipation,
Derrick - CCIB HQ

Pleading for your aid, dear readers!

I am chomping at the bit for information, fellow Cacti investigators! Since the disappearance of a confirmed cactus event, we have focused our efforts on locating the holiday specter that has vanished. I checked into a local motel on Highway 35 in Pearland today in the hopes of joining Ernie on his systematic search of Pearland for the missing cactus. Once here, I have not been able to locate Ernie nor have I seen FUV1 in the area. I only hope Ernie has had more good fortune than I have. FUV2 is acting up, but should be fine. We are hopeful to solve this mystery this year, we are so close.

If you have any information about the whereabouts of the cactus, or if you know any residents who have been victimized by the Cacti Noel this year, please encourage them to contact us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com as soon as possible. It is critical that we contact the residents before Christmas day, for if they have removed the cactus themselves, they are in peril from the hazardous and unpredictable Cacti Noel. Who knows what mayhem can result if this shady group of person is faced with a challenge by one of its victims? Oh, the thought of it!

And to you, dear resident, who has surely received our letter begging you for help, would you please be bold and make a stand to help us solve this historically critical mystery of epic magnitude? If you have received our letter and viewed our website, surely then you know the great lengths to which we are spending ourselves. Since all of our suspected victims have not yet responded, we are considering delivering a second Letter of Urgency tomorrow on Christmas Eve... if the Christmas Cactus has struck your family or your friends, please alert them immediately of the dangers of not having the Christmas Cactus present on Christmas Day. We are almost to the end of the Christmas season and all our leads have dried up!

I will keep looking for Ernie and the cactus, and will update you later.

Until news arrives (or doesn't), if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

Disappearance!

Update: The Cactus has mysteriously disappeared, or our intelligence is faulty. Ernie made it to Pearland, TX shortly after noon today and phoned me with questions about the sighting address (he left his lead sheets and reports at a Wings 'n More where he had taken his lunch break). After confirming the address, he did not see a cactus. A large dog kept him from making a thorough investigation of the yard, and we have decided to wait upon our letter to arrive at the residence in order that the victims might be pro-active in contacting us. We have found it is frequently best to allow the victim to make first contact, for numerous reasons.

Sadly, the cactus has either been moved by Cacti Noel operatives, picked up by the homeowner (very bad news, if true) or we have recevied a dead lead and will need to track down Mr. J. Alvarez to confirm the location. In the mean time, Ernie and will systematically patrol the Pearland area looking for leads. I will check out of our motel here in Tomball after this update and will re-locate to a Pearland motle to be better positioned.

As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

Late Lead for the 2010 Season!

We have a good lead and as we have expertly predicted, Cacti Noel appears to have remained in the greater Houston metro area for 2010. A security guard, one Mr. J. Alvarez, emailed us a photo taken in a southside subdivision of Houston on December 20th of this year. Our lab has processed the photo and confirmed that the apparition has all of the characteristics of a Christmas Cactus (see photo, attached). Derrick has dispatched a letter to the resident victim.



Our foresight has paid off. In November, we sent Ernie and myself to pre-position Field Unit Vans 1 and 2 in the Houston area, in anticipation of a repeat visit to the region. This morning, I write to you hastily from my Tomball motel room as I prepare to meet Ernie in Field Unit Van 2. We will quickly make our way to Pearl Land, which according to the map is less than an hour south. We hope to make contact with the residents if possible, but surveillance may be a better option based on past experience. Often times, approaching the victim's residence results in a catastrophic drama ending in a botched investigation. Our sense is that Cacti Noel monitors the planted prank carefully; we do not wish to show our hand too soon.

We will have periodic updates, as usual. Our 2010 season is on!!!

As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.