Cactus in the Slammer!

News has rolled in just as we were relegating 2010 to the annals of failure. While Mr. E and Ernie were headed back to Daytona Beach to lick their wounds, I (Derrick) received a message from the victims. Indeed, we do have a legitimate, confirmed Cactus event in Pearland, TX, and indeed our tip from the security fellow was accurate. Some time before the morning of December 20th, Cacti Noel struck our victim's home with the hideous inflatable cactus. Originally thought to be a wandering yard ornament, the odious nature of the green and red horror became apparent when it was discovered to have been plugged into the victim's home (a sure sign of a cactus event). Our security guard tipster must have witnessed the cactus in the earliest hours of its presence, and the photo we received shows the cactus to be boldly standing tall, defying all good taste and sensibilities.

That was when disaster stuck. When both Ernie and Mr. E surveilled the event location, the cactus had disappeared. The disappearance was unusual, unprecedented, and theories were proposed. A systematic search was conducted but bore no fruit. The victims of this holiday infliction did not respond to the letter we had sent (until now).

I was not able to track their actions after Mr. E's last blog post, but suffice to say that spirits and hope deflated quickly as our two heroic field investigators resolved to quietly come back home. Gas money is low, and it would have been a risk to keep the Field Units in the field.

We had depressing visions of once again losing an opportunity - then NEWS CAME! Our victim family was jolted into action by some unknown affirmation of our organization's legitimacy, much to our elation. We have received news from the "S" Family (names withheld for privacy as per CCIB policy) that the Cactus was apprehended by the local Police Department and is in custody pending the arrival of its rightful owner. Much to our amazement, there is a Christmas Cactus under lock and key, a gift horse into whos mouth we can gaze, an opportunity on a silver platter... but I digress.

Our plan has been proposed to the "S" family, we shall withold details for the moment, for we are sure that the Cacti Noel, whoever he/she/they are, follows with piqued interest this blog. We do not wish to tip our hat, show our cards, or let the proverbial cat out of the bag as to our plans to finally capture an actual Christmas Cactus. This news is gargantuan! The Christmas Cactus hasn't been held in government police custody since the Green Bay Arrest of 1994.

They are currently (as I type) passing through Mississippi headed back to Texas to arrange a meeting with the victims. I will update you when I receive our next scheduled communication from the field.

With great anticipation,
Derrick - CCIB HQ

Pleading for your aid, dear readers!

I am chomping at the bit for information, fellow Cacti investigators! Since the disappearance of a confirmed cactus event, we have focused our efforts on locating the holiday specter that has vanished. I checked into a local motel on Highway 35 in Pearland today in the hopes of joining Ernie on his systematic search of Pearland for the missing cactus. Once here, I have not been able to locate Ernie nor have I seen FUV1 in the area. I only hope Ernie has had more good fortune than I have. FUV2 is acting up, but should be fine. We are hopeful to solve this mystery this year, we are so close.

If you have any information about the whereabouts of the cactus, or if you know any residents who have been victimized by the Cacti Noel this year, please encourage them to contact us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com as soon as possible. It is critical that we contact the residents before Christmas day, for if they have removed the cactus themselves, they are in peril from the hazardous and unpredictable Cacti Noel. Who knows what mayhem can result if this shady group of person is faced with a challenge by one of its victims? Oh, the thought of it!

And to you, dear resident, who has surely received our letter begging you for help, would you please be bold and make a stand to help us solve this historically critical mystery of epic magnitude? If you have received our letter and viewed our website, surely then you know the great lengths to which we are spending ourselves. Since all of our suspected victims have not yet responded, we are considering delivering a second Letter of Urgency tomorrow on Christmas Eve... if the Christmas Cactus has struck your family or your friends, please alert them immediately of the dangers of not having the Christmas Cactus present on Christmas Day. We are almost to the end of the Christmas season and all our leads have dried up!

I will keep looking for Ernie and the cactus, and will update you later.

Until news arrives (or doesn't), if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

Disappearance!

Update: The Cactus has mysteriously disappeared, or our intelligence is faulty. Ernie made it to Pearland, TX shortly after noon today and phoned me with questions about the sighting address (he left his lead sheets and reports at a Wings 'n More where he had taken his lunch break). After confirming the address, he did not see a cactus. A large dog kept him from making a thorough investigation of the yard, and we have decided to wait upon our letter to arrive at the residence in order that the victims might be pro-active in contacting us. We have found it is frequently best to allow the victim to make first contact, for numerous reasons.

Sadly, the cactus has either been moved by Cacti Noel operatives, picked up by the homeowner (very bad news, if true) or we have recevied a dead lead and will need to track down Mr. J. Alvarez to confirm the location. In the mean time, Ernie and will systematically patrol the Pearland area looking for leads. I will check out of our motel here in Tomball after this update and will re-locate to a Pearland motle to be better positioned.

As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

Late Lead for the 2010 Season!

We have a good lead and as we have expertly predicted, Cacti Noel appears to have remained in the greater Houston metro area for 2010. A security guard, one Mr. J. Alvarez, emailed us a photo taken in a southside subdivision of Houston on December 20th of this year. Our lab has processed the photo and confirmed that the apparition has all of the characteristics of a Christmas Cactus (see photo, attached). Derrick has dispatched a letter to the resident victim.



Our foresight has paid off. In November, we sent Ernie and myself to pre-position Field Unit Vans 1 and 2 in the Houston area, in anticipation of a repeat visit to the region. This morning, I write to you hastily from my Tomball motel room as I prepare to meet Ernie in Field Unit Van 2. We will quickly make our way to Pearl Land, which according to the map is less than an hour south. We hope to make contact with the residents if possible, but surveillance may be a better option based on past experience. Often times, approaching the victim's residence results in a catastrophic drama ending in a botched investigation. Our sense is that Cacti Noel monitors the planted prank carefully; we do not wish to show our hand too soon.

We will have periodic updates, as usual. Our 2010 season is on!!!

As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

Where will you be this Christmas season?

Happy holidays, cactus fans! As December rolls in, we are preparing for yet another year of aggressive patrolling in search for the legendary Christmas Cactus! After all that happened last year, we are looking forward to putting the new FUV2 into action! Ernie and I will be departing tomorrow night for the Houston, TX area in FUVs No.1 and No.2 as we prepare to patrol the city, hoping to find the cactus that has appeared there for more than six years in a row (almost a new record!). This might raise concerns among some of the fans, but do not fret! If there are reports of any sightings outside of Houston, TX that look promising, Great Uncle Derrick is ready to go cross-country in FUV3 to investigate any leads outside of the probable area of appearance.

So, cactus seekers, in the year 2010 I ask you this question: Where will you be this Christmas season? At a family reunion? A sports event? Your own home? Friends, I ask that this year you help us more than ever before. Keep your eyes peeled! Be vigillant! One never knows where the cactus may appear. From Florida to Washington and everywhere in between, watch for any signs of a holiday cacti of any kind. We need leads! Please help us spread awareness by telling your friends, family, and co-workers about the legend, and directing them to this site. The more publicity we get, the more likely we are to solve the mystery this year.

As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com. Until news arrives,
Mister E.

Now available FREE! Updated! Legend of the Christmas Cactus: A Detective's Manual

We have finally made our newest edition of Legend of the Christmas Cactus: A Detective's Manual available for free. With the help of Tee shirt sales, we have been able to re-vamp our classic guide. Now, for a limited time (I love saying that!), Legend of the Christmas Cactus: A Detective's Manual is available for you to hone your detecting skills, equip yourself, educate yourself, and help the CCIB solve this mystery for all of mankind.

In the manual you will discover:

• The Legend's History
  
• Who is the CCIB?
  
• How to be an investigator
  
• Tools of the trade
  
• and much more!

Download your free copy here.

You will need to use the free, slower download link on the right of the screen, however, it is safe.

CCIB Transportation Update

Hello to all my fellow cactus hunters! I bring to you off-season but never-the-less uplifting news. As you all know, last year's disappointing disaster led to a wreck of the old CCIB Field Unit Van No.2 (which from here forth we will be calling according to its code name, 'FUV,' when mentioned on the blog), and after conducting many home-repairs we decided it would be best to retire the old Field Unit Van No.2, but instead of taking it to the junk yard we just parked her out behind our storage shed. Below is a picture of the former FUV2.


This brought concerns to the CCIB, since we would not be able to patrol as much area coverage. Thankfully, however, the CCIB received a grant from a stimulus package from President Obama, which we were able to use to purchase another FUV! For a grand total of $450 I walked away with a (used) vehicle. After spray-painting our logo on two new vehicles using our customized CCIB logo stencil, we hauled the replacement vehicle back to headquarters. With the new edition we thought it would be wonderful to share some pictures with you long-time followers of the legend.

Field Unit Van No. 1, the most trustworthy van of all that has kept us going since 1973.

The new Field Unit Van No. 2, purchased with money received from a government grant as part of President Obama's stimulus package.

Field Unit Van No.3, decorated and ready for the holiday search to continue!

We'd like to give a special thanks to Mac Erichsen at Mac Snaps Photography, Inc., a long time follower of the CCIB, who offered his services on a Saturday when he was off work and wanted to help the cause. Thanks Mac!