2009: Foiled Once Again

Yes, another year has passed and the cactus has once again slipped out of our hands. I cringe to think upon the email I received this morning from the victims of this year's cactus event. As their Special Operations Operator was taking his lunch break, he walked in doors to request a handful of sun-chips. When he returned to his post, he found the no traces of the cactus whatsoever. I dare not say that it is a result of his laziness or lack of thoroughness, but I am led to believe that the Cacti Noel made a trip from our location after damaging our vehicle to pick up the cactus, and then waited patiently for his opportunity. When it arrived, he snatched the cactus and fled, until he can once again victimize another poor soul next year. Apparently the "Special Operations Operator" we had been told about was not so special at operating, after all. Dedicated though he might have been, we recently discovered he was only a family member and fan of the CCIB. We must encourage future victims of the Noel Cacti to hire only competent professionals, if anyone at all. The best course of action is, of course, to keep the sighting details carefully guarded and all investigation efforts channeled though the professionals at the CCIB.

But do not fret. With this bad news also comes a hint as to who the Cacti Noel is/are. While the Special Operations Operator went inside for just a few minutes and the planter of the cactus returned to pick up his cactus, the Special Operations Operator's security camera was rolling! The camera only captured one frame every three seconds, but the following image that the Special Operations Operator kindly shared with us give us a look into who the Cacti Noel truly is.


If you recognize this person or have any identifying leads, please do not hesitate to send a report to legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com. We would be exceedingly grateful for any cooperation whatsoever.

And so, my fellow cactus hunters, once again I bear the bad news of another defeated year. It will take me a few weeks to get over this crushing defeat, but we will keep on searching throughout the rest of December. Once the new year is here we will be packing up and heading home to Daytona Beach, where we will stay on the alert year-round, analyzing our data from this year, asking tough questions about our failure, honing our skills, and searching for clues during the off-season months as to who this Cacti Noel really is. We'll keep you updated. Until the new decade,

Mister E.

A Mysterious Visit!

We are burdened with the task of bringing an update of bad tidings and depression to our faithful followers. Ernie has finally made it to the Days Inn where I have been hamstrung by circumstances and kept immobile and inactive. Yesterday, I walked to the police station here in Dickenson, Texas, which I am unfortunately now all too familiar with. I went to plead my case to the station chief and to ask that he return our van out of the impound yard, because our cause is for the sake of all mankind. I was not successful. Chief Morales agreed our ongoing investigation was important and an issue of great profundidty, but he said it would take on a greater weight if I had produced the $214.53 required to pay our impound fee and parking ticket. That fiasco ate up my whole day.

When I returned to the hotel, the manager was waiting for me with a large bill, and refused any further internet connectivity in the business center until I paid up. Of course, I had no hope of paying until Ernie arrived with our CCIB resources, so I walked back to my room, crestfallen, to pack my bags and become a real 'field agent', so to speak. Imagine my surprise when I walked into the room and found Ernie eating a nice room service meal and enjoying a pay-per-view Christmas special on the television! He had arrived!

Unfortunately, Ernie's trek from the north side of Houston, where he had been pre-positioned weeks ago in anticipation of area sightings, was rather convoluted. He received my call to meet me here by browsing our website. As he set off, he asked for directions along the way to Dixon (he misunderstood where I was) and ended up somewhere near Corpus Christi, Texas, which on a map is quite a shockingly far distance from Dickenson! He pulled over and asked directions from a kind man who knew the Houston area at least somewhat because his family was planning a move in the upcoming months to the great city.

Now Ernie's here at last, and though he burned up $275 in gas, we have enough funds to pay our hotel bill, get a bite to eat (there's a Waffle House down the road!), AND we have sufficient funds to retrieve Field Unit Van No.1 out of impound. Sadly, that will need to wait until after Christmas, because the police chief told me the impound guys are off for the holidays (if any of our faithful readers happens to work for Dickinson Towing Co., can you help us out?). And that's not all. When and I pulled out of the parking lot this evening, the brakes failed on us. Gaining speed, we rolled down a ramp and into a pole in the parking garage, slightly damaging a car that was exiting nearby, and badly damaging the van's engine. After getting out of the vehicle and opening the hood, we found a note pasted inside.

"c@n`7 Le7 u d0 7h@t 101z -c@c71 n031"

After deciphering, Ernie translated the encrypted message into a taunt like no other before.

"Can't let you do that, lolz*. -Cacti Noel."

Blast! Does this mean that the Cacti Noel was here, vandalizing our van? We don't know, but for now, the van is inoperable. It frustrates me more than you know, fellow cactus hunters, that a meeting had been arranged with holders of the cacti, and yet again our plans have been foiled!

I must attend to the vehicle situation at the moment. I will let you know first thing when any news arrives. Let's hope that it's not too late!

* Ernie says that in leek speak it is common to see acronyms such a "L.O.L." that represent the words, "Laugh out loud." We are both puzzled and stumped, however, of what the Z at the end could represent. If you have any thoughts on what the translation of "lolz" could be, please send us an email at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

Sunday Afternoon Update

Having been unusually frustrated by our lack of preparedness during this event, I am disappointed to report few changes in the situation since I last updated you faithful Cactus followers - with one or two exceptions.

It seems our victim family (names withheld for privacy) has hired a special operations operator fellow to protect them from any further Noel Cacti activity. This seems wise to me. I just hope we don't fall into a situation like we did in Montgomery back in '88 where Ernie (then a young pup) and Great Uncle E. were investigating a sighting in a suburban yard. This particular sighting was significant for it was also the first time a Christmas Cactus event was caught on film (there have been three other filmings of Cactus activity since, some by the Noel Cacti themselves. Unfortunately, the films CCIB had possession of were lost in the fire of '92.). Terribly, however, the event degraded to a brawl with the home owner, a man that perhaps was on the insane side, when he refused to believe the legend. Apparently he had been fooled by the Noel Cacti and believed he had made and installed the hideous lawn ornament himself. The local Constabulatory fellow was called in and Ernie and Great Uncle E. ended up on the wrong end of a gun. The Bail bonds really hurt the funds that year.

As for the event this year, we will be issuing a press release later on tonight, and perhaps a local newspaper will pick up the story; it always seems to help generate interest in the CCIB.

Another encouraging note, Ernie apparently made contact with the Day's Inn front desk asking for directions to here, so I am happy to report he is on his way. The fellow working the front desk, though he seems rather annoyed by me, is nice enough. He said Ernie must have passed us up last night trying to get here, since his call was from a Valero station in Port Aransas. I assume that's one of these little towns like Dickenson further down the interstate. I'm hopeful he will be here for us to share our data over dinner.

I'll have an update soon with more on the GFC 09 event!

As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

-Mister E.

Road bumps at the worst possible time!

After I my last update, I received one more email from the homeowner saying that his family, after looking into the legend, would be willing to allow me to visit their home to conduct a full investigation as soon as possible. Now, more bad news. As I walked out of the hotel to head to the victims' house, I found that Field Unit Van number 1 - the one that formerly was parked outside my hotel room with a quarter tank of gas in it - has been towed for being parked in front of a fire hydrant. It has my wallet, credentials, cell phone, field investigator kit, and our high-tech night vision camera we got from Bass Pro Shop a couple of years ago. With no mode of transportation, all I could do was go to bed here at the hotel; but I could not sleep. Too much is going on and my comrades are apparently not able to contact me, which has me worried about their qualifications for this job.

I really need Ernie to contact me, so followers, please forgive this little bit of official business being posted here; I do not think Ernie or Great Uncle Derick back at HQ have cell phone service because neither is answering my calls from the hotel phone (which costs money). In case Ernie or Derick log onto the website any time soon, I must use this unprofessional manner of business:

Ernie, Derrick! Answer your phone! Derrick, pay the bill if that is the problem. Ernie, get down here to the Days Inn in Dickenson Texas ASAP! We need the van! Mine was towed and I have no money to get it out. We have a contact! I repeat, WE HAVE A CONTACT! This is important. Stop lollygaggin' and git in touch!

(Apologies to all reasonable-minded folk for my frantic, last-ditch effort to get our apparently inept team of investigators in hi-gear, if they weren't kin folk, I'd have a mind to fire 'em)

Historic Cactus Case Advancing!

Friends, fans, fellow cacti victims,

I am overjoyed and almost beside myself with excitement! Our greatest lead in the history of the CCIB has generated a confirmed sighting and contact with the homeowners of the most promising Cactus case I can remember. My poor old Grandpa E. may finally be vindicated (if you follow the legend, you know he was so shocked by the sudden appearance of the Christmas Cactus that he was struck speechless for three weeks!).

Our letter, sent to the resident of the latest sighting after a lead from a local elementary school teacher, was answered just hours ago and we are assured that the residents are willing to cooperate with our investigation. The reason, we have discovered, that the hideous cactus was not present when I surveyed the property on Thursday is because the homeowner family moved the monstrosity to their back yard! To think I was merely 30 yards away from an actual Cactus manifestation and did not know it!

I am continuing communication with the homeowner at the moment, learning more and more about this event. I am hoping to arrange to conduct an investigation on the cactus in their back yard if they permit. I'll keep you updated!

A Great Mystery, Investigation Delayed

I am back from our first investigation of the house where this morning's sighting and photograph were taken. I do not know whether to be stunned or disappointed. I am positive I had the right address, but the Christmas Cactus was not present. The house itself matched our lead's address (address withheld during investigation) and the description was correct, and I even believe I saw an impression on the ground of a Cactus base, but cannot be sure. What I am sure about is that the Cactus is not there.

I attempted to contact our witness, the school teacher, but she did not return email and did not leave us a phone number.

My three theories are:

1. The Christmas Cactus sighting was a cruel hoax by the Noel Cacti. After all, the Noel Cacti taunt email from October seemed to imply the shady group was planning to torment the CCIB with some sort of wild goose chase, and last year's three reports in Arizona were likely a trap set up by the villain himself to lure us off his path.

2. The Cactus was removed by the homeowner. We will dispatch a letter to the homeowner immediately (we like to keep it official; showing up on someone's doorstep unannounced has proven hazardous in the past). Our letter will be a standard sighting inquiry and we will include a copy of the photo give by our witness to see if the homeowner can confirm or deny the image.

3. The Christmas Cactus sighting information given to us by the witness was incorrect.

We genuinely hope that the Cactus has not been removed by the homeowner, this usually brings a series of further Cactus events to the home, but we will know more when we make contact with the home owner through official and formal channels. It is crucial at this point in time to alert the poor victim(s) of the dangers that come with hiding or removing a Christmas Cactus from its planted location, if, indeed, they were victimized.

As you can imagine, I am sorely disappointed, and now have to wait upon the mail as Uncle Derrick forwards our standard letter and case file photo to the home owner and we await a response. In the mean time, I will be patrolling the area in Field Unit Van No.1 as much as our limited gas funds allow, and will remain in the Days Inn here in Dickenson. Ernie will be joining me to conserve our expenses, but Uncle Derrick back at HQ is offline for some reason. We will call him soon.

Fan Q&A
We received a question from an amateur investigator overnight that was sadly lost in the excitement, so I will answer publicly and offer my apologies to the emailer, Mr. Pren Raman.

Mr. Raman asks "What is the best source of information for one interested in helping to solve this terribly cruel mystery?" That's a great question, and I apologize for not being more responsive Mr. Raman. The best source of info is this website and the CCIB Investigator's Handbook, which is almost ready for publishing. We have been working for years to revise the old edition (published 1976, discontinued 1982) and have become the world's foremost source for Christmas Cactus knowledge and investigation. Any amateur sleuths would be well served to buy our handbook when it comes out. We do not merely promote ourselves to be prideful or to make money (although the money will be a great help to solve the mystery for the benefit of mankind), but because it simply is true - we ARE the best source of information. Please read through our website from the bottom (Oldest entries) up to get the best education about the legend of the Christmas Cactus anywhere, until the handbook manual is released.

As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

-Mister E.

Lead with hard evidence!

How good fortune has shined on the CCIB this year! Our plan to pre-position field units in Texas has paid off, for we have our first confirmed Cactus sighting of 2009 with hard evidence, and it was in the Houston area again!

At approximately 4:35 in the morning today, an elementary school teacher (name withheld by request) in the southwest Houston suburbs emailed a lead to us. She had seen what she thought might be a large, green yard ornament out of the corner of her eye while traveling down a boulevard. After looking again, she spied what she thought was a Christmas Cactus and immediately returned to confirm her suspicion. Upon arriving, our witness tried desperately to snap a photo. Unfortunately, being in the dead of early morning, a local police officer interpreted her activity as suspicious, stopped her, and asked her to leave the area, assuming she was up to no good. She was only able to take one hasty and quick photo before having to leave. We received an email from her phone, and the file was slightly damaged in the process of the transfer, but this is still the greatest breakthrough we've had since 2006:


Seen above is definitely a Christmas Cactus, the classic shape and size of recent descriptions, and likely the same Cactus we saw in the region two years ago. It appears the Noel Cacti are staying in this area. We have a good address that checks out with her testimony, and by later this morning I hope to have clear photos, hard evidence, and a stake out plan in place to nab the Noel Cacti this year.

Our witness's testimony is lucid and clear, and seeing that she is a CCIB fan for a while and is familiar with the legend history, we currently have no reason to believe this lead to be false. Our only concern is that she said the house where this cactus event is alleged to be occurring has other ornaments and decorations. This would be an uncommon act - the Christmas Cactus is usually deployed in yards with no decorations.

I, being the closest field unit van to the location of the sighting, (I see on our Key Map it is near League City, Texas on the southeast side of Houston), will leave immediately after this update to investigate.

Ernie is stationed on the north side of town and I have been staying in the Days Inn on interstate 45 near a town called Dickenson, about 30 minutes away from our alleged event. I have called Ernie to come assist, and Derrick back in Daytona Beach is working on the case in a support role, while I will be the primary ground investigator for this event. I have high hopes that this sighting; mere hours ago will be a great breakthrough. This is the fastest response time we have yet had for any sighting! Our evidence we gather today will be presented as soon as we open a case.

Stay tuned!