I will keep this short because I am very discouraged. As I write from a motel room in New Mexico, after such high expectations of a solid discovery, I am downtrodden because it was all for naught. In fact, I never could find any hint of the location reported to be in the three emails I received regarding the Christmas Cactus sightings mentioned in our previous post.
In fact, I now suspect they were all hoaxes designed to throw us off the trail of the Noel Cacti activity, which must again have been down in Texas. Now, on Christmas day, I sit here wondering how many unsuccessful years will go by before we are able to document a sighting in person.
I will be posting soon about our upcoming move to Florida; we had hoped to move to Texas since the trends show this is the center of Cactus activity for the time being, but we got a better deal in Florida. I'll be able to update later, for now I will resign 2008 to the history books and look forward to a fresh start for 2009. Thank you for your continued support and for the donations.
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Three Reports, One Lead
Great news, Cactus lovers! I clunked into Salt Lake City today, arriving at my camp site destination. After unloading and grabbing a bite to eat I headed down to the local library so I could check the CCIB inbox. With Ernie staying in a motel with no internet access, and Great Uncle Derick on his way to North Carolina--whom, on a side note, I have not heard anything from since his departure this morning--I am the only one who frequents the inbox. As the page took it's normal 2-minute-load time I eagerly awaited for any lead to appear, hopefully one in Houston. To my great joy I found 3 emails all related to the same incident! Apparently, these tips all repotred that the victims are a family of six that has recently moved to a small town in northern New Mexico that lies in between Farmington and Aztec. One of the emails had a detailed description of the cactus...
All of the reports have similar descriptions, and this is the first time in many years that the CCIB has received such a high amount of sightings all in one place at one time. I am now altering my course to go and investigate. I hope to get there by the 16th to investigate this scene.
Ernie is still patrolling Houston, hopefully making some progress. I haven't heard from him in a while, so after I finish this entry I believe I'll call him and let him know of the 3 reports, and that I will not be joining him in the next few days.
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
"... Its sorta like a really large paper maché figureen. It looks kinda fuzzy, and it lights up as well. There is a long orange extension chord that plugs into an electricity outlet on their front porch. [...] It is a hidious being, really... and I want the CCIB to come and get rid of it. If it stays here to much longer I'm afraid my property values will rapidly decrease. ..."
Ernie is still patrolling Houston, hopefully making some progress. I haven't heard from him in a while, so after I finish this entry I believe I'll call him and let him know of the 3 reports, and that I will not be joining him in the next few days.
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
Portland Failure, Back to Houston
As I suspected, the lead I have just investigated in Portland, Oregon was a big, fat flop. I arrived at the alleged location of a cactus sighting at around 2:30 this afternoon, but I was surprised to find that it was an apartment complex with no yard. I spoke with the couple living in the apartment complex who reported the sighting, and they told me that a small, green, light-up cacti had been placed on their front porch two days ago, but when they went outside this morning, it had vanished. I became suspicious and conducted a little more investigation. After all, I hadn't driven all the way across the country to find it to be a big hoax. I spoke with a neighbor that lived in one of the apartments upstairs, who said she had gone to borrow a few eggs the other day. She confirmed that there was, in fact, never any appearance of a Christmas ornament of any kind. On top of that, the landlord of the apartment complex told me that all holiday-themed decorations were not permitted in the apartments, and the renters who claimed to have the cactus on their porch had never broken any of the rules. To be sure that I didn't leave without being utterly convinced that there was no cactus appearance, I went to the Waffle House that was next door to the apartments and asked the part-time assistant manager if any of their parking lot security cameras had a view of the apartment. Luckily, "WafHos_ID361_CAM04" had a decent view of the apartment unit under investigation. He gave me a tape with the past two days of camera footage (thanks to our donors and merchandise customers who funded our new CCIB credentials and badges) and after scientifically reviewing each hour of footage that was recorded, it became obvious that there was no cactus at all; only a UPS deliveryman and a stray cat. Maybe the couple just wanted publicity like the Floridan potato farmer of '06. Who knows, but we do not wish to press the issue and become wrapped up in some crazy delusion. On to greater things...
Today Great Uncle Derick and Field Unit Van #3 (complete with a new spare tire thanks to our faithful donors) left for Tennessee to investigate a reported victim's yard being "devoured by a horde of Santa Clause-themed desert plants," according to the report details. From the email it sounds like there are many cacti in the yard. Meanwhile Ernie is still systematically mapping out the Houston, Texas area looking for clues, but all for naught so far, for there have been no leads, clues, hints or sightings of any holiday-themed cacti at all, only a Christmas Tamale and a few inflatable Mexican jalapenos (common sight in the South with their spices and whatnot) .
For our donors', here is a report of how your generous aid is going to be used to continue the search for the terror of the Christmas Cactus. Today I will be heading to join Ernie in Houston and will be checking my email in the Public Library in Salt Lake City for any leads. If Field Unit Van #1 holds up, I hope to join cousin Ernie soon.
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
Faithfully searching,
Mr. E
Today Great Uncle Derick and Field Unit Van #3 (complete with a new spare tire thanks to our faithful donors) left for Tennessee to investigate a reported victim's yard being "devoured by a horde of Santa Clause-themed desert plants," according to the report details. From the email it sounds like there are many cacti in the yard. Meanwhile Ernie is still systematically mapping out the Houston, Texas area looking for clues, but all for naught so far, for there have been no leads, clues, hints or sightings of any holiday-themed cacti at all, only a Christmas Tamale and a few inflatable Mexican jalapenos (common sight in the South with their spices and whatnot) .
For our donors', here is a report of how your generous aid is going to be used to continue the search for the terror of the Christmas Cactus. Today I will be heading to join Ernie in Houston and will be checking my email in the Public Library in Salt Lake City for any leads. If Field Unit Van #1 holds up, I hope to join cousin Ernie soon.
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
Faithfully searching,
Mr. E
Friday, December 12, 2008
Leads rolling in!
More leads! Great Uncle Derick has been manning the email in box this season and has reported a flurry of Christmas Cactus Sighting leads! As I type, I am at an internet cafe in Ogden, Utah attempting to make my way to the northern border of the United States where a sighting of a mysterious cactus with a red hat has supposedly appeared. Field unit van #1 is performing well, and I can say that I am pleased I have not had the same problems that Ernie has had down in Texas.
Ernie has reported that Field unit van #2 is now repaired, and he has begun routine patrols of the neighborhoods surrounding the area of last year's sighting. We have confirmed that last year's sighting was indeed in the Clear Lake area, and Ernie reports that Clear Lake is in fact anything but clear. But again, I digress.
Ernie investigated two leads that came in this week in the Houston area and both turned out to be dead ends. One was a large trash bag filled with leaves while the other appeared to be an illuminated halapeenyo pepper with a sombrero hat. Poor Ernie was run off the site of the pepper sighting by a rather unfriendly German Shepherd dog and barely made in back to the safety of the Field Unit Van.
As we continue to evaluate leads, our most dedicated efforts are the city of Houston and surrounding towns, since the last few years' sightings have all be from that area. Perhaps the perpetrator of the mysterious Cactus legend prank is trying to make us complacent and lazy to throw us off his trail. Maybe he intends to continue striking in the Houston area. We must be getting close!
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
Ernie has reported that Field unit van #2 is now repaired, and he has begun routine patrols of the neighborhoods surrounding the area of last year's sighting. We have confirmed that last year's sighting was indeed in the Clear Lake area, and Ernie reports that Clear Lake is in fact anything but clear. But again, I digress.
Ernie investigated two leads that came in this week in the Houston area and both turned out to be dead ends. One was a large trash bag filled with leaves while the other appeared to be an illuminated halapeenyo pepper with a sombrero hat. Poor Ernie was run off the site of the pepper sighting by a rather unfriendly German Shepherd dog and barely made in back to the safety of the Field Unit Van.
As we continue to evaluate leads, our most dedicated efforts are the city of Houston and surrounding towns, since the last few years' sightings have all be from that area. Perhaps the perpetrator of the mysterious Cactus legend prank is trying to make us complacent and lazy to throw us off his trail. Maybe he intends to continue striking in the Houston area. We must be getting close!
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
December 2008 Updates
Christmas Cactus sighting leads this year have been slow, as they usually are through the spring, summer and fall, making these off-seasons prime research periods for the CCIB staff. As leads begin to pick up in frequency (4 last week and 8 this week already!) we are beginning to enter that very small but exciting period of a few brief weeks when things move very quickly. When a lead is reported and validated, we have only precious hours to reach the site and confirm the presence of the mysterious Christmas Cactus, and apprehend the perpetrators of this most mysterious shenanigan. This means we must be on our toes, so to speak.
As we await leads eagerly, I will be scanning a couple of newly-discovered documents that our research department uncovered over the course of the year and sharing those that seem to be legitimate references to this ghastly and dangerous prank. Last year's very close encounter with the cactus ended in disappointment, but we acquired exceptional data, images and clues in last year's botched attempt. At least we actually SAW the cactus for once and snapped an actual photo (see it below), the only one known and confirmed photo of the cactus in its present form. My Great Uncle Derick, crack research assistant for the CCIB, discovered that there may be more than one Christmas Cactus being thrust upon unwary families, but this remains to be confirmed.
Ernie called from the Houston area where he is on station at a local motel, awaiting orders. He said it is rainy and cold, it even snowed, yet his spirits seemed high. However, he has unfortunately had to put Field Unit Van #2 in the shop to replace the water pump. The shop guy said 3 days because he had to order parts, so hopefully this minor setback won't foil our prudent attempts to station a unit in a likely location for this year's hoped-for appearance. This will seriously cut into our meager budget for field operations (T-short sales only go so far in the world of investigation), but we will remain optimistic.
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
-Mister E.
As we await leads eagerly, I will be scanning a couple of newly-discovered documents that our research department uncovered over the course of the year and sharing those that seem to be legitimate references to this ghastly and dangerous prank. Last year's very close encounter with the cactus ended in disappointment, but we acquired exceptional data, images and clues in last year's botched attempt. At least we actually SAW the cactus for once and snapped an actual photo (see it below), the only one known and confirmed photo of the cactus in its present form. My Great Uncle Derick, crack research assistant for the CCIB, discovered that there may be more than one Christmas Cactus being thrust upon unwary families, but this remains to be confirmed.
Ernie called from the Houston area where he is on station at a local motel, awaiting orders. He said it is rainy and cold, it even snowed, yet his spirits seemed high. However, he has unfortunately had to put Field Unit Van #2 in the shop to replace the water pump. The shop guy said 3 days because he had to order parts, so hopefully this minor setback won't foil our prudent attempts to station a unit in a likely location for this year's hoped-for appearance. This will seriously cut into our meager budget for field operations (T-short sales only go so far in the world of investigation), but we will remain optimistic.
As always, if you have any information leading to the discovery of the Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
-Mister E.
Last year's taunt
For those who follow our CCIB Investigation closely, let me pass on some info. Last year, after being foiled by the Christmas Cactus perpetrators, whoever they may be, the CCIB was taunted with e-mail messages from one claiming to be named "Noel Cacti".
The following cryptic message was received last year, apparently in some sort of code. Ernie says it is 'leek speak', often used on the internet by young riff-raff types (he learned about this in his computer classes, and I was skeptical if they would be of any use, but I see now that he's actually learning things, but again I digress.) If this is true, Ernie thinks it is a taunt and claims that the person sending the e-mail has indicated that he will strike again in 2008. This can only mean one of two cases are true - 1.) that "Cacti Noel" is the true person behind the legend, perhaps the one we think we can see in the video images we received; or, 2.) that "Cacti Noel" is just pulling our leg.
Whichever is true, we will attempt to get to the bottom of it all and sniff out any clues we can to get to the bottom of this great mystery. Here is the message we received (I did not change it at all):
"r0unD & R0UNd 5H3 G0Ze, ware ShE 5T0p5, N0b0dEE n05e! CACTI BAK n 20o8!|"
Any help with clues is always welcomed:
legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
-Mister E.
The following cryptic message was received last year, apparently in some sort of code. Ernie says it is 'leek speak', often used on the internet by young riff-raff types (he learned about this in his computer classes, and I was skeptical if they would be of any use, but I see now that he's actually learning things, but again I digress.) If this is true, Ernie thinks it is a taunt and claims that the person sending the e-mail has indicated that he will strike again in 2008. This can only mean one of two cases are true - 1.) that "Cacti Noel" is the true person behind the legend, perhaps the one we think we can see in the video images we received; or, 2.) that "Cacti Noel" is just pulling our leg.
Whichever is true, we will attempt to get to the bottom of it all and sniff out any clues we can to get to the bottom of this great mystery. Here is the message we received (I did not change it at all):
"r0unD & R0UNd 5H3 G0Ze, ware ShE 5T0p5, N0b0dEE n05e! CACTI BAK n 20o8!|"
Any help with clues is always welcomed:
legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
-Mister E.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Hope for 2008
The disappointing failure of 2007 is certainly upsetting and left the CCIB with a smarting blow to our morale, but there is hope that the mysterious "Legend of the Christmas Cactus" may still be solved. The last spotting of the Cactus, as you all know, was in Houston, TX where it mysteriously disappeared after being very nearly captured by our ever-diligent investigators. We reported last year that our field unit, for the first time, actually saw the fabled Christmas Cactus and got a single photo using our new night-vision equipped camera. Unfortunately, he got lost in the unfamiliar neighborhood and did not locate the Cactus again. When I was finally able to get in touch with him, Ernie in field unit van #2 was in Louisiana; he had somehow managed to get lost and, well, I won't go into how he ended up in another state.
So we have recovered, and as your ever-dutiful CCIB Investigators, we ask again: Will the Christmas Cactus turn up again this year?
With this hope in mind, and the memory and reputation of my poor old Grandpa E. driving my personal desire to solve this mystery, the CCIB has been working all year on more advanced technologies to help with tracking the Christmas Cactus, should it appear. With the help of our T-shirt sales and several anonymous donations, there are now three official CCIB field unit vans ready to dash to any part of the nation to investigate tips and leads. We are also able to send pictures, maps, and more via our new satellite phone internet connection. Unfortunately, we only have one of them and our service provider coverage is spotty. Either Ernie, myself or a local volunteer has to go down to the Carnegiea Public Library to use the internet because the official CCIB computer only has dial up. Still, we hope this high-tech addition will help us.
Last week, we took the prudent action of stationing a field unit van in the area of the last sighting of the Christmas cactus. My cousin and faithful assistant, Ernie, is staying in a motel in Houston, Texas and monitoring CCIB leads remotely by telephone. This year he has a good set of maps that we got at the Exxon Station, they have those good street maps that include close-up parts of the city, so he should be less likely to get off course this year. All of this is expensive, the motel charges by the week and Ernie has already informed me of the challenges of motel life. I owe him a little more respect.
Once again, if you have any information, any knowledge, any tips at all concerning the whereabouts of the elusive Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting of any kind, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
-Mister E
So we have recovered, and as your ever-dutiful CCIB Investigators, we ask again: Will the Christmas Cactus turn up again this year?
With this hope in mind, and the memory and reputation of my poor old Grandpa E. driving my personal desire to solve this mystery, the CCIB has been working all year on more advanced technologies to help with tracking the Christmas Cactus, should it appear. With the help of our T-shirt sales and several anonymous donations, there are now three official CCIB field unit vans ready to dash to any part of the nation to investigate tips and leads. We are also able to send pictures, maps, and more via our new satellite phone internet connection. Unfortunately, we only have one of them and our service provider coverage is spotty. Either Ernie, myself or a local volunteer has to go down to the Carnegiea Public Library to use the internet because the official CCIB computer only has dial up. Still, we hope this high-tech addition will help us.
Last week, we took the prudent action of stationing a field unit van in the area of the last sighting of the Christmas cactus. My cousin and faithful assistant, Ernie, is staying in a motel in Houston, Texas and monitoring CCIB leads remotely by telephone. This year he has a good set of maps that we got at the Exxon Station, they have those good street maps that include close-up parts of the city, so he should be less likely to get off course this year. All of this is expensive, the motel charges by the week and Ernie has already informed me of the challenges of motel life. I owe him a little more respect.
Once again, if you have any information, any knowledge, any tips at all concerning the whereabouts of the elusive Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting of any kind, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.
-Mister E
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