Hope for 2008

The disappointing failure of 2007 is certainly upsetting and left the CCIB with a smarting blow to our morale, but there is hope that the mysterious "Legend of the Christmas Cactus" may still be solved. The last spotting of the Cactus, as you all know, was in Houston, TX where it mysteriously disappeared after being very nearly captured by our ever-diligent investigators. We reported last year that our field unit, for the first time, actually saw the fabled Christmas Cactus and got a single photo using our new night-vision equipped camera. Unfortunately, he got lost in the unfamiliar neighborhood and did not locate the Cactus again. When I was finally able to get in touch with him, Ernie in field unit van #2 was in Louisiana; he had somehow managed to get lost and, well, I won't go into how he ended up in another state.

So we have recovered, and as your ever-dutiful CCIB Investigators, we ask again: Will the Christmas Cactus turn up again this year?

With this hope in mind, and the memory and reputation of my poor old Grandpa E. driving my personal desire to solve this mystery, the CCIB has been working all year on more advanced technologies to help with tracking the Christmas Cactus, should it appear. With the help of our T-shirt sales and several anonymous donations, there are now three official CCIB field unit vans ready to dash to any part of the nation to investigate tips and leads. We are also able to send pictures, maps, and more via our new satellite phone internet connection. Unfortunately, we only have one of them and our service provider coverage is spotty. Either Ernie, myself or a local volunteer has to go down to the Carnegiea Public Library to use the internet because the official CCIB computer only has dial up. Still, we hope this high-tech addition will help us.

Last week, we took the prudent action of stationing a field unit van in the area of the last sighting of the Christmas cactus. My cousin and faithful assistant, Ernie, is staying in a motel in Houston, Texas and monitoring CCIB leads remotely by telephone. This year he has a good set of maps that we got at the Exxon Station, they have those good street maps that include close-up parts of the city, so he should be less likely to get off course this year. All of this is expensive, the motel charges by the week and Ernie has already informed me of the challenges of motel life. I owe him a little more respect.

Once again, if you have any information, any knowledge, any tips at all concerning the whereabouts of the elusive Christmas Cactus, or to report a sighting of any kind, please email us at legendofthechristmascactus@gmail.com.

-Mister E